Consider this, that love and having it or not should not be the sole indicator as to whether you should be in, or get out of a relationship. Love is an emotion that waxes and wanes and on any given day may not be the best measurement of whether to continue, or not, in the relationship. Of course, if you do not love someone perhaps you should consider what that means for your or your partner’s long term happiness and stick-to-it-ness. But there is a better ways to understand if you or your partner should be in your relationship. It works in the beginning, the longer term and all through the life of a relationship. And that is being chosen and choosing combined with being cherished and cherishing. They go nicely together.
Firstly, being chosen is based on a conscious decision you and your partner make about one another. That no matter where your love emotion stands along the continuum on any given moment that you chose to be in the relationship. And so does your partner. It’s clear, it’s not based on emotion and it’s about choice.
Then to add to that is being cherished and cherishing. To be cherished is to be appreciated, acknowledged, understood and perhaps seen. We all can remember someone who cherished us or someone we cherished.
Being chosen and cherished is a mighty powerful combination. And when done together it can trump the mutable love feeling – particularly if one partner is not feeling it lately, on autopilot or in a bad way for the moment. It can even trump couple having strife, issues or a bad patch. It’s about commitment but not the kind you said you’d do and are now stuck with but the kind you said you’d do and when you check in with yourself you still want to do.
Choosing alone is not enough. There are plenty of couples who chose to be in it. But they do not act with appreciated, or understanding. And cherishing is not enough either. Conversely there are plenty of couples who cherish each other but can’t quite say “I choose you”. Nope it’s the powerful combination of the two.
So consider how good it would feel to know for yourself, or have your partner know about you, that you each chose each other in the face of the feelings of the day – even if they ain’t so good. You suddenly have a way to understand where you are at any given time with one another despite the inevitable ups and downs of any relationship. Choosing and cherishing seem so much more solid and conscious.
Yes loved. But also, and more importantly chosen and cherished. To look him or her in the eye and say “I choose you”. That’s the way to go!