I am the last guy you want to come to for advice about getting married. Trust me on this one. I have my own window at the marriage license bureau at the Clark County courthouse in Las Vegas. God I love Vegas. Unfortunately where marriage is concerned, what happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas with my marriages. It spreads like a cancer to divorce courts and custody battles throughout the country.
But my fascination with the whole pagan wedding ritual does not include rehearsal dinners, guest lists or bridesmaids. (Although I must admit, I have been interested in a few bridesmaids.) It is the wedding cake itself.
A symbolic tiered pile of flour and sugar and eggs and frosting with a tiny couple atop that when it is sliced is smashed in to the bride and groom’s faces. Ugh, what worse way to start the bondage of matrimony.
The cable channels these days are filled up with shows about cakes and baking competitions which brings me to the symbolic wedding cake. Multi-tiered, ornately decorated and sweeter than a rice cake. The cake at a wedding ceremony looms in the background until it becomes the spotlight for ten minutes or so at the reception. By the time the slicing of the cake comes about everybody is half in the bag and a mini food-fight breaks out. Hours of baking, assembly and decorating are destroyed with one slice of the knife. It’s over, everyone has a small slice of cake on a paper plate and the drunken dancing and fights in the parking lot resume. God I love weddings.
So no matter what the outcome, marriage is a 50-50 proposition, the list today has three unusual wedding cake ides to reflect today’s modern lifestyles. The themes reflect an evolving society that includes Jacuzzis, video games and Star Trek. Check them out.
A toast to the bride everybody.
Super Mario Wedding
2 12×12 Square White Cakes
2 8×8 Square White Cakes
2 4×4 Round White Cakes
4 16 Oz. Bags Marshmallows
4 2 Lb. Bags Powdered Sugar
First off, go to a hobby store and purchase Super Mario characters and assorted props.
In a large bowl, grease it with shortening and throw in a bag of marshmallows. Nuke it for 60 seconds until melted.
Grease a large spoon and add the powdered sugar a couple of cups at a time mixing well until the mixture is workable with your hands.
Grease your hands, continue to knead the mixture and roll in to a ball. Refrigerate for 20 minutes.
Dye the frosting with various colors, blue, red, green, whatever and assemble the cakes.
2 3Oz. Boxes Berry Blue Jell-O
1 9” Round Cake
1 13” Round Cake
2 Lrg. Marshmallows
1 Little Naked Guy and Girl
Prepare the Jell-O according to recipe. Pour the Jell-O in a round pan and chill.
Stack the cakes and ice the bottom tier with white frosting. Ice the top layer with brown frosting.
On the top layer, carve a hole out of the cake large enough to accommodate the Jell-O. Fill the hole with Jell-O.
Melt the marshmallows in the microwave and add to the top of the Jell-O. Place your naked little people in the Jell-O and sit back and relax.
Live long and prosper
Spock’s Wedding Cake
6 Oz. Almonds. Ground
½ Cup Flour
Pinch of Salt
Pinch of Ground Cloves
Pinch of Nutmeg
Pinch of Cinnamon
1 ½ Tsp. Baking Powder
6 Oz. Carrots, Grated
1 Tbs. Dark Rum
1 Tsp. Grated Lemon Peel
1Tbs. Lemon Juice
6 Tbs. Butter
6 Oz. Sugar
Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
Mix the almonds, flour, spices and baking powder.
In another bowl combine the carrots and rum. Add the lemon zest and juice.
Cream together the butter and sugar beat the eggs and add to the butter-sugar. Add the rum mixture and combine. Add the flour and mix in to a batter.
Pour the batter in to a greased cake pan and bake for 1 hour. Frost and use cake sprinkles when cool.