If you’ve been out of the house lately you may have realized that my fellow sisters and I are getting down. The new generation of mid 20s – 30s woman is all about emotionless sex.
This seems normal. We’re all having it (if we’re lucky, we’re having it in multiples…) but when did we start giving it up so freely and expecting nothing back for it. And furthermore, when did we start getting turned off or confused if more was expected from us?
Think back to 5 years ago; I was young and bright-eyed and it took more smart moves to get into my pants than it took Harry to find the Sorcerer’s Stone**. I’m not saying it’s a cake walk now- but you can definitely skip a couple of steps if you have a beard, your own place, can find my tickle spots (don’t you judge me.)
At what point did we decide to oil the hinges and let the door swing more freely? And more importantly, why?
Option 1: We’ve lost hope that any man we meet will be able to provide a stable relationship.
While this option is concrete in foundation, it’s fleeting in nature. It can’t be true because we know good men in good relationships with women just like us. We also know men who used to be crap but came into their own, accepted responsibility and are now the best kind of man, the one who appreciates his life and woman.
Maybe the man in your bed can’t provide a stable relationship but he’s probably still in your bed because you don’t expect one from him.
Option 2: We’ve finally gotten comfortable enough in our sexuality to own what we want and how we want it.
Do we, after years of protecting our vaginas and hearts, know now that it doesn’t matter if you give it up or not? A wise friend told me long ago that it doesn’t actually matter if you sleep with a guy or not. Sometimes they call and sometimes they don’t. If every guy I DIDN’T sleep with was still calling me I’d need my own family plan. I’m sure you’ve slept with men who have called and refused men who didn’t.
This option is tricky because it runs on logic and unfortunately for me, logic is a learned trait and not an involuntary way of thinking. I know what something is and what it isn’t but it took practice, time, and more drama than I’m willing to admit to differentiate between the two. I used to have to pull away if I felt myself getting too close to a man who was established as casual. I lied to myself in my late teens and early twenties thinking that I was mature enough to be in casual sexual relationships. But now, somehow, with work and my own social life, I don’t need to trick myself because I’m able to compartmentalize my thoughts and feelings (for the most part.)
I know that when and if I accept someone into my Chamber of Secrets** that I won’t need to lie to myself or to them about my feelings. I can look back at a sexual encounter and know that it was just a good way to say hello or the best way to say goodbye.
** Harry Potter has been on HBO all week, excuse the references but in my opinion, they are gold.