Cecil Murphey, better known as “Cec” with co-author Gary Roe write about childhood sexual molestation from a male survivor’s perspective in Not Quite Healed. After sexually traumatic childhood circumstances left confusion, fear and scars behind when a trusted adult betrayed them. This is the story of their journey toward healing and the “forty truth’s” they learned that taught them “healing from sexual abuse is a process not a one-time event.”
Since Cec and Gary are “fellow pilgrims on the road to healing” each of forty chapter’s include personal stories and insights from them both that end with simple statements of truth they learned on their journeys. Statements that they hope will encourage others to study, memorize and recite when lingering effects of childhood sexual abuse arise. Such as:
· I am not quite healed; I am a healing-in-progress.
· I can’t change the past, but I can pick up the painful pieces and become whole.
· My childhood was stolen…
· Admitting I need help is a sign of humility, not weakness…
· Reaching out for help is a sign of courage…
· Pornography is only a substitute for intimacy…
Chapters include their battles with shame, confusion, doubt and broken trust that scarred them as children with what they call the “gift that keeps on giving” when they entered adulthood. Their candid accounts portray the devastation of childhood sexual abuse and it’s haunting after effects.
Cec begins with the question “Shouldn’t I be Healed by Now” the topic of chapter one, where he says he’s “closer to total victory…” yet frankly admits he still isn’t completely healed. Even though he works on and desires “complete emotional healing.”
In the same chapter Gary writes about his feelings of childhood neglect and the need to find the “mother love” he never received that left him with feelings of abandonment where he felt “unloved and un-loveable.” This unmet basic need made Gary easy to victimize because he was a “needy kid” susceptible to child molesters who “…gravitate toward unfulfilled and disadvantaged children.”
Children who are sexually abused struggle with feelings of victimization, same-sex attractions, pornography, forgiveness and other issues as adult men. The American Psychological Association documents what parents should know about the characteristics and effects of childhood sexual abuse.
The book is not an easy read and I’m equally sure it wasn’t easy to write. Yet, Gary and Cec write with honest transparency about a for-the-most-part “hushed topic” to encourage and help others toward healing. Visit Cec’s blog: Shattering the Silence to read about or share stories of other survivors and their remarkable journeys. Or listen to Cec’s YouTube interview on childhood sexual abuse
Not Quite Healed: 40 Truths for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse, by Cecil Murphey & Gary Roe, Kregel Publishing, 2013, 288 Pages, 978-0825442704, $14.99
Midwest Book Reviews: “Gail’s Bookshelf”
LinkedIn: Gail Welborn
Not Quite Healed: 40 Truths for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse, by Cecil Murphey & Gary Roe
How are sexual abuse survivors to overcome the challenges they are sure to face? Finding strength in community with other survivors is one key to recovery. In Not Quite Healed, two survivors join forces to share insight and encouragement on the issues that challenge them most. After a candid discussion about each issue, the authors provide a self-affirming statement that men can study, memorize, and recite on their darkest days.
When the Man You Love was Abused, by Cecil Murphey
A woman’s guide to helping him overcome childhood sexual molestation
For all women who know and love a survivor of sexual assault, best-selling author Cecil Murphey has penned an honest and forthright book about helping the man in your life survive–and thrive–despite past abuses.
The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse, by Dan B Allender
Sexual abuse knows no religious or social boundaries. The Wounded Heart is an intensely personal and specific look at this form of abuse. Dr. Allender explores the secret lament of the soul damaged by sexual abuse and lays hold of the hope buried there by the One whose unstained image we all bear. Includes information about false memory issues.
To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future, by Dan B Allender
Would you willingly overlook clear direction from God that speaks directly to you and where you are in life right now?
God’s guidance is near at hand. He is not only your Authority, he is also your Author. As God writes the stories of your life, he uses your past to open up your future.
It is your privilege to listen to your own story so you can live boldly for the sake of the Greatest Story, the good news of Jesus Christ. God reveals himself to you–and to others–through the story he has written in your life.
In this insightful and compelling book, Dr. Dan B. Allender shows you how to read the stories of your life. He helps you understand the meaning that God has written into every detail of who you are. As a result, you can share your story with others and listen to their story, revealing unique aspects of God’s hand at work.
Starting today, you can find deeper meaning in your story–a story To Be Told.
The Healing Path: How the Hurts in Your Past Can Lead You to a More Abundant Life, by Dan B Allender
Don’t Waste Your Pain
None of us escapes the heartache and disappointments of life. To live is to hurt, and we all have the wounds to prove it. Regardless of how we’ve been hurt, we all face a common question: What should we do with our pain? Should we stoically ignore it? Should we just “get over it”? Should we optimistically hope that everything will work out in the end?
If we fail to respond appropriately to the wounds that life and relationships inflict, our pain will be wasted; it will numb us or destroy us. But suffering doesn’t have to mangle our hearts and rob us of joy. It can, instead, lead us to life–if we know the path to healing.
Healing is not the resolution of our past; it is the use of our past to draw us into deeper relationship with God and his purposes for our lives. If you’re ready to shape a future characterized by love, service, and joy, now is the time to step out onto The Healing Path.
Leading with a Limp: Take Full Advantage of Your Most Powerful Weakness, by Dan B Allender
Put your flawed foot forward.
Pick up most leadership books and you’ll find strategies for leveraging your power and minimizing your areas of weakness. But rather than work against your weakness, why not draw from a deeper well of strength? God favors leaders who make the most of the power that comes from brokenness.
Go ahead and take full advantage of your flaws. The most effective leaders don’t rise to power in spite of their weakness; they lead with power because of their weakness. It is their authenticity in limping leadership that compels others to follow them. Flawed leaders are successful because they’re not preoccupied with protecting their image. They are undaunted by chaos and complexity. And they are ready to risk failure in moving an organization from what is to what should be.
If you are a leader–or if you have been making excuses to avoid leading–find out how to get the most from your weakness. A limping leader is the kind of person God uses to accomplish amazing things.
Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault, by Justin S. Holcomb & Lindsey A. Holcomb
The statistics are jarring. One in four women and one in six men are or will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime. But as sobering as the statistics are, they don’t begin to speak to the darkness and grief experienced by these victims. Because sexual assault causes physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual pain, victims need clear help, hope, and healing. In Rid of My Disgrace, a couple experienced in counseling victims of sexual assault explains how the grace of God can heal the broken and restore the disgraced.
Justin and Lindsey Holcomb outline an approach for moving from destruction to redemption. While avoiding platitudes and shallow theology, Rid of My Disgrace combines biblical and theological depth with up-to-date research. This book is primarily written for those who have been assaulted (either as children or adults) but also equips family, friends, pastors, and others to care for victims in ways that are compassionate, practical, and informed. Part of the Re:Lit series.
Redemption: Freed by Jesus from the Idols We Worship and the Wounds We Carry, by Mike Wilkerson
Exodus is a real story about God redeeming his people from the bondage of slavery and how their difficult journey home exposed their loyalties—though wounded by Egypt, they had come to worship its gods. Most Christians don’t make golden idols like the Israelites in the wilderness, but we do set up idols on our own desert road—idols like substance abuse, pornography, gluttony, and rage. And even those who don’t know the pain of actual slavery can feel enslaved to the fear and shame that follow sexual abuse or betrayal by a spouse, for we suffer at the hands of our idols as well as those created by others. We need more than self-improvement or comfort—we need redemption.
Redemption is not a step-oriented recovery book; it’s story-oriented and Bible-anchored. It unfolds the back-story of redemption in Exodus to help Christians better understand how Christ redeems us from the slavery of abuse, addiction and assorted trouble and restores us to our created purpose, the worship of God. Readers will discover that the reward of freedom is more than victory over a habitual sin or release from shame; it is satisfaction and rest in God himself. Part of the Re: Lit series.