Sexuality and spirituality are closely intertwined. When sexuality is grounded in a loving intimate relationship with another person it can increase our ability to connect with the vastness and wonder of the universe. When sexual desire is separate from a loving connection it can become a negative or empty experience separate.
What helps a sexual relationship feel satisfying and connected is a relationship that is satisfying and deeply connected. For many people, the desire for sexual union and ecstasy reflects a deeper desire for spirit and a sense of oneness with the Universe. While sexual union with another can give us a glimpse of the ecstasy of spiritual fulfillment, sex alone cannot give us that fulfillment. Hopefully, the desire for sex that satisfies and goes deep will entice us to opening up our lives and become transparent to our partner.
Sexuality and spirituality are both deeply personal and connected to our life force energy. Our attitudes about life, love, care and compassion are all connected to our feelings about sexuality. We all came to this earth through a sexual act. If life is sacred, then so is sexuality. Unfortunately sex has been tremendously defiled in our patriarchal culture where sexuality has been paired with shame, control, domination, exploitation and evil. To heal our sexuality means changing our beliefs so that we associate sexuality with love, care, joy and commitment. To do this means embarking on a journey where we open our minds to re-think all we have learned about sex-role stereotypes, love, sexuality and spirituality.
Getting beyond our self-absorption and being able to tap into the wonder and awe of creation can help us deepen our experience with sexuality. When we are full of tenderness, vitality, and openness to life, it helps sex have a flow and vitality that keeps it alive and fluid. If our lives are in a rut and we are out of touch with something beyond our separate self, sex tends to become mechanical and dull.
We can use all kinds of techniques, but they are simply that, techniques. People tend to have numerous partners or lose interest in sex because they are unable to create a deep, loving connection that is fulfilling. Sex gets reduced to a physical high without the context of an evolving connection with another person. There is a tendency to blame one’s partner when the high fades–”you weren’t exciting enough”–rather than realizing something is missing within.
This leads to a futile search for the “perfect” partner or more exotic sexual experiences. The pattern is broken when the person realizes that a sexual high will never quell the underlying restlessness and emptiness which can only be filled with honest, heartfelt connections to others. When it comes to spirituality and our personal relationships, common themes will emerge. Whether we are discussing a marriage, a work relationship, or the relationship between a stranger and ourselves, the themes of acceptance, control, respect, and “it takes two” will emerge over and over again.
The first component to bringing more spirituality to your relationships is acceptance. In remembering that we are all one within spiritual energy, we also remember that we are each individual expressions of that oneness. Just as a glass of water drawn from the ocean is an individual expression of ocean, so too are we individual expressions of spiritual energy.
In keeping with that analogy, if a second glass of water is drawn from the ocean, it too is an individual expression of ocean. However, that second glass of water is different from the first. Each glass can have different amounts of water, different concentrations of salt, sand, oxygen, and they can have different colors.
This does not mean that one is better than the other. It means that while they are different, they are still from the same source. Spiritually speaking, are you and your spouse like the two glasses of water or is one of you more like mud. You may just need to find a way to reconnect spiritually. Instead of seeking for greener grass on the other side, try fertilizing your own.
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