We were going to have sex and then all of a sudden I lost my erection, I was so embarrassed that I could not get it back up again, and now I feel anxious about it! What do I do now, it has become a fear of mine each time I get into a sexual situation?
For some men it can take only one or two bad experiences with erection problems to lead to a lifetime of fear over sexual performance. For other men it has been an on going issues since puberty, and the little blue pill they though would be the answer turns out to just be a tease.
When a man feels like he has no control over his penis it can be a very frustrating experience for him.
There are exercises, techniques and specific products that a man can use to help with the pressure to perform, as well as maintaining an erection. One of the problems that may occur when a man gets anxious is it can trigger the flight or fight response in the brain making the blood rush out of the penis causing him to lose his erection….
This can happen in a normal circumstance but after it can cause fear with some men of it happening again. The fear begins when the man all of a sudden thinks there is something wrong with him and cannot gain control over his erection any more. For so many men the first trigger could be caused by simple stress of a new job, any life changes, financial pressure, a new girlfriend or sex partner, medical issues or changes in medication. For other men it may have started at the time of puberty, thinking they would get caught masturbating and rushed to quickly to climax.
Understating that it does just happen to many men is the first step to resolving the problem. The next step is to learn how to relax and not focus on the problem or try to control getting or maintaining an erection. One exercise that I recommend to my clients is to use the system of 1-10 understanding when to slow down and relax during masturbation and what it feels like to be at around a 5 without climaxing. Many times men will masturbate to orgasm, instead of just feeling the experience and enjoying the tease.
Another technique is while masturbating change the pattern of self pleasure, by either switching hands or stroking a different way, using a male sex toy or trying new positions with a partner. This technique helps break the pattern of masturbation to orgasm teaching the mind and body to connect. Take the time to enjoy the buildup. One way to keep the blood in the penis is to use a penis ring at the base of the penis, try this alone or with a partner. Another product that may help is a penis pump or male sex toy like the Pulse to get the blood flowing again.
If you do have a partner practice intimacy, kissing, sex play without the expectation of intercourse or any pressure to preform. This will take the stress out of the situation and just be about connecting with your partner. If the problem continues go to an intimacy counselor for more information and detailed techniques on how to overcome Erectile Dysfunction.