Relationships undoubtedly have their trials. We all have troubles in our relationships, disagreements and clashes of character that challenge us to see if we’re truly soul mates. But there is one thing that I believe should not be a regular occurrence: lying. If you have a mate that lies to you constantly you must ask yourself the most basic of all questions: why do people generally lie? They lie when they have something to hide. So all the millions of reasons and excuses your mate might conjure up to explain their dishonest ways are now null in void.
That is not to say that you should not listen to their reasons, as this interchange, the confession if you will, is sure to tell you a lot about your mate. I say this because, this is the time when you must use your keenest discernment to decide whether you find their reasoning to be excusable. But you must never forget the golden rule: People lie when they have something to hide.
Therefore, your initial understanding must be that they had something to hide. Now exactly what that something is has yet to be determined. When they talk to you, you really have to listen. Beyond the things that are visible for your discernment, you must look deeper into the emotion that is present when they talk. Watch their eyes, their lips, their facial expressions, tone of voice, and the movement of their hands. Body language is so important when you’re trying to find validity in a person.
It behooves you to learn these ways from day one, for future reference. Once someone is caught in a lie, it is only honorable that they hone up to it and admit their wrong doings. If you are unlucky enough to have a mate that pleads and weaves elaborate concoctions of how you got it all wrong and they are innocent of all deceit, my suggestion is to cut ties immediately. That kind of person is not worthy of your energy. They’re malicious and will continue to be if you keep them in your life.
If you have a mate that throws in the cards upon being caught in a lie and gives you the honest truth about what happened, I say forgive them. However, if they happen to do the same thing again or even an act on the same level of the first violation, I’d say it’s time to suspend their privileges for a while. If it’s the exact same offense, I’d cut them off for even longer, if not for good. Don’t underestimate time away. I think a lot of people tend to fear giving their mate that space, because it seems as if they believe their presence will remind their mate that they should appreciate them better.
I believe it to be the complete opposite. While this move will require some sacrifice, and perhaps even a bit of pain, on your part, it is a viable way of seeing just how dedicated your mate really is to you. If they behave as if you’ve broken up with them, don’t call, cease communication and act nonchalantly if you happen to see them in public, well then you know the deal. It’s not rocket science. They will show you how they feel. If people don’t appreciate you, then they don’t deserve you. And if they continuously lie to you they don’t respect you or your feelings.
And unless you’re going around with total disregard for people’s feelings or time, then I’d say I wouldn’t be too considerate of people doing those things to me. It’s unacceptable. No one likes to be lied to or treated as if they don’t matter. You know your mate wouldn’t stand for it, so why do you? That’s something you have to ask yourself. Answer honesty, after all, if you can’t be honest with yourself, you sure as hell can’t offer anyone else that same disposition.
Some lies can be forgiven, people do make mistakes. But there should be a limit to your mercy. If you allow things to happen over and over again, then that person will think it’s just fine to treat that way, because nothing they’ve done has caused you to leave yet. It takes courage to stand out on your own. It takes strength to say, even though I’m used to having you in my life, you’re simply not treating me right. You should be tired of being unhappy and paranoid when it comes to their whereabouts. That is not love. That is not happiness. And it’s certainly not a healthy relationship.
Below there’s an article I found to be quite accurate in describing some of the common infidelities that people are facing in their current relationship. Having to click through them in a slideshow fashion is a bit annoying, admittedly, but it’s worth it to see some of these crazy things that we’ll all be able to relate to. If it hasn’t happened to you, it’s surely happened to someone you know. And if it hasn’t happened to you, make sure your eyes are wide open so that it never does!