Spotting a good man can be a job in itself. During the initial introduction, he seems like a great catch. The question that many women ask is, “How can I be sure?” Every woman has heard in order to find love, she should draft the infamous “checklist.” This checklist is a list of items that describes her ideal man. Maybe a woman has heard that she should have a detailed list of all the important things she wants in a man. Whatever version of the “checklist” she has heard and adopted, women can use “the list” to spot a good man or sniff out a zero.
But is a list the best way to spot a good man? Should women only rely on her “ideal man” that is derived from this fairytale image of Prince Charming? Well, the first thing a woman needs to do in order to spot a good man is know what a good man is. A good man has nothing to with deep pockets, rock-hard abs, or cover model looks. Although these are great qualities to possess, a man can lack all the above qualities and still be a good man.
Every woman on any given day has the opportunity to meet a good man. On any given day, every woman will let that opportunity slip away by allowing her baggage, negative attitudes, and bad experiences affect the new man attempting to enter her life. In essence, instead of giving him a fair shot, many women subconsciously allow her past hurts, experiences, and frustrations taint a new relationship. Sadly, the end result is a missed opportunity on finding happiness.
For many women, it can be challenging to meet the right man. But in order to meet “that guy,” a woman needs to believe and be open to any and all possibilities. She must hold to the fact that the right man will cross her path at some point. This perspective is not just being optimistic. It can and will happen.
The best qualifier if a woman wants to spot a good man is communicating her own needs and desires. It is not her job to get into a man’s head. So communicating her needs is the most powerful tool to have if she wants to find a good man. Although knowing what she wants is key, there are key things to look for that will help to determine a good man.
- His maturity level
- His life stage
- His purpose
- His availability
- His friends
- Her gut feeling
All of the above will help a woman identify whether the man she has meet is a good man. When she communicates her needs rather than trying to fit him into her “ideal man”, she becomes the creator of her love life. The critical moments that define a relationship with a man is at the introduction all the way through commitment. These moments either break people apart or draw them closer.
His maturity level
The most important quality of a good man is his maturity level. A man’s maturity level is often referred to as his emotional maturity. In the general sense, maturity is the ability to react in an appropriate way in a situation. This is evident rather quickly when a woman meets a man simply by observing how he reacts to things and how he treats others around him. If there is a mix up with an order, does he take it in stride or blow his top? This is a prime example of emotional maturity. Even when he is on his best behavior, it will be hard to hide his true habits.
There are several ways to determine a man’s maturity level. An emotional mature man will show characteristics that a woman will quickly notice. A key characteristic is his ability to give and receive love. A mature man is not afraid to show his vulnerabilities; he knows it is not a sign of weakness. He will also face reality and deal with it. Mature men know that the quickest way to solve a problem is to deal with it head on and not let it linger.
The best way to get a good read on a man’s emotional maturity level is to pay attention to how he responds to stress. So, watch what he does in a variety of situations, especially stressful ones. Do they overwhelm him to the point that he shuts downs? Or is he able to adjust to those situations and communicate his needs?
His life stage
There are many ways to learn what stage a man is in his life. But the easiest way to find out is to ask him questions about his career. How does he feel about his job? Does he with enthusiasm about his career or does he seem drained and unmotivated? These are a few questions that will give a woman an indication as to where her potential mate head is.
Society, since the beginning, has been a man’s world. He has a history of being the head of the household and the main or sole provider. This image or idea of a man is almost, always instilled in both men and women. This is partly the reason that many men derive a big chunk of their identity from what they do for a living. If he is contributing in any kind of way, he is more likely to feel satisfied in his life. As a result, he is able to be a better partner. He will have the focus and energy to give what a relationship requires.
What is one’s purpose in life? This is a simple yet complex question. How can someone tell what someone else’s purpose is in life? Or how can someone tell if someone else has a purpose in life or if they are just living? One way to tell a new beau’s purpose is the notice what he does outside of work and the relationship. Is he in service to do bigger things? Is he committed to things outside of the relationship?
Whether a man is a part of a flag football team, volunteering as a tutor, or taking guitar lessons, a woman needs to determine if his interests are in line with her personal values. The best relationship is when two people share similar morals, goals, and values. When they have the same or similar outlook on life, it helps to balance the relationship. When a couple individual purpose in life is in line with their partner, it sets up a foundation that each can build on. If a woman learns that the new man in her life is giving himself to something, this is a good indication that he will be giving in the relationship as well.
A man’s availability is a subject in itself. Most men crave a woman’s feminine gifts and affections, but few are able to give her what is needed to make a relationship work. Men are not wired the same as women. A woman is born with the natural ability to nurture, which is a great intrinsic quality to have in a relationship. Men, on the other hand, are not typically wired as emotional beings. It is hard for a man to naturally invest themselves and their emotions. So it is important to follow his actions and not his words.
In relationships, there are three forms of availability: emotional, relational, and physical. For a relationship to work, a man must be “available.” The main problem women face in the beginning is the notion of a man’s availability. Men and women have different interpretations of what the word means in relationship terms. Women are thinking the above; while men are thinking as in status. But many women know or have found out that “single” does not always mean “available.” He could be still hooking up with an ex, have “friends,” be consumed with his job or not looking for any serious. So, the best way to find out is to simply ask. It is better to ask early on then to find out later after developing feelings.
The old saying is true. A person can really learn a lot about someone by the company they keep. With men, this is especially true. Men are more likely to befriend people that are similar to them. So ask him about his friends. Observe his friends. Are his friends mature? Does he share their values? Are they committed to his growth or his part of his immaturity? Does he care about others? Is he a good friend? These are legitimate concerns that a woman should have about her intended.
Pay close attention to his older friendships. Long-lasting friendships show that he is capable of sustaining relationships through challenges and conflicts. Look at his newer friends. Establishing new friendships show that he is capable of creating new bonds. Does he have healthy friendships with women? Strong platonic relationships with women show that he respects and understands females. Judge the kind of influence his friends have on each other. Do they enable unhealthy behavior or encourage better behavior?
Remember a lot can be learned about a man by watching him with his friends. He might have control how he behaves when his lady friend is around, but his interactions with his friends are more likely to be honest and uninhibited. Assess the interactions with his friends and their behavior. By doing this, a woman can discover what she can expect in a relationship with him.
Her gut feeling
Every woman has a gut feeling that tells her intuitively where a man’s at with all the above. When her intuition signals that she has found something or someone truly right for her, the choice often becomes easy. Her decision feels good, and it does not feel like she is forcing it. But the connection she feels might have her thinking about her choice, “He makes me feel good now.” In the beginning, he does make her feel good. But what happens after she has invested her heart and time in him? By over thinking, she doubts her gut feeling.
When someone is making a big decision with lasting repercussions, it is always best to decide from the gut. When there is a lot of thought into a decision like choosing a mate, often people will talk themselves out of it basing most of their decision on a past relationship. The rational mind is suited to limited concrete choices. But there are many factors involved in complex decisions that make a person feel overwhelmed. When making big decisions, always rely on gut feelings. This leads to choices that can improve the quality of life. It also allows people to find relationships and connect with people on a heart level.