“The Wizard of Oz” celebrates its 75th anniversary next year and theater-goers were recently treated with a spectacular IMAX 3D cinema experience. Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, Toto and the rest of the characters jump off the screen with a color and dimension never before seen. But for a column like this, the question is whether the all-time family classic is any scarier in 3D or IMAX. It isn’t, but reader Lucas D’Onofrio submitted a list which begs to ask the question: “how much more scary, evil, perverted or demented “The Wizard of Oz” would have been had it been made in the shock-value, anything-goes land of today’s gore-filled, blood-soaked horror cinema?”
Here is that list which we are printing with the following caveat: don’t read on if you feel perverting the 1939 epic film would be a sacrilege! Warning – this list is not for the innocent or faint-hearted! The cowardly lion would pass out at some of these warped thoughts. You may never view “The Wizard of Oz” (or think of Professor Marvel) the same way again.
Terrorble (really Terrorble) Top 10 List: Making “The Wizard of Oz” Scarier by Lucas D’Onofrio
10. When Professor Marvel invites Dorothy into his wagon carriage, he is a sadist with a lot more evil intent on his mind.
9. The Yellow Brick Road is paved with the carcases of carnaged Munchkins, transitioning into the Red Brick Road, lined with the Munchkins’ blood.
8. The Flying Monkeys aren’t so pet-trained and (simply) ominous; they’re blood-thirsty evil killers with razor-sharp teeth.
7. The Munchkins aren’t so friendly and musical; instead they’re malevolent and sadistic like the evil lead character in those awful Leprechauns movies.
6. That weird cat with the over-sized eyes which spooks Toto out of the hot-air balloon towards the end of Dorothy’s stay in Oz isn’t just a quick-scene animal extra; the feline is actually a possessed witch that goes on to catch, mutilate and devour Toto.
5. The Wicked Witch isn’t just a greened face of shrieking threats; she casts spells and kills!
4. Auntie Em doesn’t just sit & knit before waving to Dorothy from the window during the tornado dream (which is probably the single-most creepy scene in the film as it is); Em goes off her rocker (literally) and grabs Dorothy by the neck and chokes the pouting, whining snot out of her
3. When the Wizard turns away Dorothy, Tin Man, Lion & Scarecrow . . .
~The Tin-Man goes Robo-Cop on the Wizard and blasts him away (after all, he doesn’t have a heart), and ~Scarecrow summons the Children of the Corn to teach the Wizard a lesson, and ~The Lion just rips everyone apart. He’s a Lion – what do you expect? (ask Siegfried and Roy), and oh yes, when the Wizard turns away Dorothy, Tin Man, Lion & Scarecrow… ~Dorothy goes all Carrie on him and there’s blood all over the place.
2. When they visit the “Haunted Forest,” they come upon a Cabin in the Woods! Or Leatherface! Or some mutant backwoodsmen!
and if “The Wizard of Oz” was produced in the jaded, modern-day era of Saw, Turistas, The Human Centipede and other torture porn horror films….
1. When Dorothy wakes up after her Tornado-induced dream (of course she’s actually recovering from Professor Marvel in-wagon assault on her, but she somehow got away) her nightmare is only about to being as Professor Marvel is back in her window – drooling, psychotic and ready to go at her again but this time with the help of those three in-bred hillbilly “supposed” Uncles.
Wizard of Oz post-Tornado bedroom scene
When Dorothy awakes in her bedroom, her real nightmare is about to begin with Professor Marvel and her three “supposed” Uncles ready to pounce.
The Wizard of Oz Wicked Witch
Ah yes our Wicked Witch. Lots more bark than bite. Always threatening. If this Wicked Witch were really a wicked witch, she would be a lot more than just threats…
Dorothy and Toto in The Wizard of Oz
Our Dorothy always pouting and whining (except when she’s singing). Dorothy could very well have gone all-Carrie on the Wizard when he sent her away! Imagine the blood…