Your independent author has succumbed to one of the latest lame trends on Facebook. The day that will live in infamy (at least until the next foolish fad) is October 28, 2013. The new nemesis to those of us who managed to make it out of junior high school is the now infamous “giraffe riddle.”
Yeah, that’s why some of your Facebook friends are looking a little (ahem) long in the neck. That is why they have changed their usual profile pic to that of an African Giraffa camelopardalis. They believe they answered a near viral riddle incorrectly. The riddle in question is as follows:
“It’s 3 a.m., the doorbell rings and you wake up. Unexpected visitors! It’s your parents and they are here for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese. What is the first thing you open?”
Don’t worry, your rascally writer won’t “spoil” the riddle for you. That’s already been done by the writer of the riddle who failed to take into account tense, grammar and common sense. If you want to really add to the pointless debate over the “right” answer, Google and you can find plenty of pointless threads dumbly debating the subject.
“Aw, come on”, you say, “be a good sport”? Really? Really?
You oughta know better by now, boys and girls. “Homie, don’t play that” (as they used to say). Still, if it’ll make anyone feel any better, your rockin’ writer has come up with the perfect playlist to accompany this farcical phenomenon. Here, in no particular order, are the songs:
“Giraffes Can’t Dance Song”—Vancemo: This was put out earlier this year. Vancemo took his daughter’s reading book, Giraffes Can’t Dance, by Giles Andreae and Guy Parker-Rees and set it to original ukulele music. It’s silly but literate and apropos.
“The Giraffe Song”–P0lardethProductions: This track hails back to 2007. It’s an amateur piece but then again so is the riddle, right? Give the kid who was brave enough to sing it a few hits and don’t forget to “LIKE” this list, of course.
“The Giraffe Song”–Zoo Boyz: This is a song off of the band’s debut disc Zoo Boyz. It came out just last year. Yes, it’s for kids but, hey, so are riddles and you folks spent time on that, mmmkay?
Speaking of kid’s cuts, musical educator Marla Lewis has a tune titled “Gentle Giraffe”. It’s part of her “We Love to Read Literacy Program”. Check it out ‘cause ya know your kids and grandkids are in danger of going brain dead from them thar vidja games, know whut I’m sayin’?
Do you smell that? No, not the giraffe feces. It’s a song called “There’s Not Something In The Air”. It’s for those who are in denial about the “right’ answer.
They obviously can’t smell the bullsh*t. It’s by a folk rock band called Giraffes. It came out earlier this year.
How about something really interesting? “When The Catholic Girls Go Camping, The Nicotine Vampires Rule Supreme”–Giraffes? Giraffes! This is the fan favorite album opener off of their 2007 release More Skin With Milk-Mouthone.
“Giraffe (In My Loft)”–Weebl’s stuff: This is another silly ditty. It even comes with its own animated cartoon. If you have time to change your profile pic to a giraffe then you have time to check out this video.
“All My Life”–Cali Giraffes: This is a recently-released single by a new act signed to Fin Records. It’s fast becoming a favorite of DJs, critics and music lovers alike. It’s hip and cool or at least hipper and cooler than giraffes. (Sorry, famed giraffe fan Randa Lee.)
Last but not least, “This Here Giraffe”—Flaming Lips: This is off their 1995 album Clouds Taste Metallic. It was released twice as a single—once in a “star-shape”.
“The Giraffe Song (Original)”–Houston Keen and Brittnay Akin. This was written in 2010 and put online the following year. Keen confides: “The inspiration came from seeing a giraffe sitting in a plant pot as we were leaving an ice-cream shop. It’s got all that you need: a Harley, Bob Marley (and) everyone’s love–bacon.”
Now just to show you how ridiculous this riddle really is, people are playing the game with others without knowing the official “right” answer. Even some news sources disagree. Your annoyed author chose a pair of giraffes mating because even though he knows the logically correct answer he was told he was wrong. Naturally, the coupling animals represented the idea of being screwed quite well!
Of course, it was intended to be good fun. So join in if you don’t care that most people have no clue or avoid it entirely. Either way, it will all be over very soon (as some psychotic killers say to their victims.) At any rate, we always have the music!
My name is Phoenix and . . . that’s the bottom line.