We’re funny creatures for sure. We espouse and even demand certain behaviors from our partners that we actually don’t manage to do ourselves. Case in point, let’s say you want to be loving. Accepting and kind. And yet you judge your partner before you know where they’re coming from. You harshly criticize them for what you believe is their stance, opinion, idea and then when they shut down you judge that too. You are blind to what you want vs. what you do to get it. If you want to be treated without snap judgement perhaps you shouldn’t snapply (yes it’s a word?) judge.
But we all do this. We insist we are treated in a way that we can’t manage to treat others. And then we wonder why we are not being treated the way we insist. What to do about it. Take a hard and bright-light look at yourself. Start there. Not with how you perceive you are being treated but rather what you may be doing that is causing the very treatment you are unhappy about from your partner. Then and only then can you decide if you are the real cause of your being treated badly because you are making your partner defensive, angry or sad.
If you can manage to see yourself the way you are in your partner’s eyes you may discover there is more than your judgement of them. If you find you are acting in a way that engenders the kind of treatment you would like to receive then maybe you have a case against them. But chances are you don’t see your behavior. There’s a fair chance that if you aren’t getting what you want, you are probably the cause.
It’s just too easy to criticize, act the victim, see your partner as the one at fault. It’s much harder to take a look and see what you are doing that may be the reason they are being who they are towards you.
To find someone you dig, get along with, are compatible with, even love is no small feat. Then to sabotage it is just tragic. After all that you do the very thing that makes sure it/you both can’t survive.
Many relationships run their course, don’t work in the end or end in a blazing mess of hurt feelings and confusion. But many get off track and flame out. Sad if all that is needed is for each person to own their behavior and negotiate the changes that will engender more positive outcomes and responses. Easy right?
In one way it is easier to continue the sad, hard road we take that makes us blind to what we do to another. The behavior that makes us do to them the very thing they don’t want done. <hmph> Then it’s break up time. <double hmph>