The time in between Bachelorette and Bachelor seasons often feels similar to waiting for Christmas each year. You feel as if you are waiting anxiously for an extensive period of time for such a wonderful time of year, yet paradoxically, when the season arrives you’re cursing every mall, store, and man dressed as Santa (or any man dressed in red. I apologize in advance to any Target employees I yell at.)
To fill this void in your lives, here are some updates on the people who we think are our friends, when in reality they are just strangers who revealed a lot about their personal lives on national television:
Des and Chris are still together. Chris is still writing poetry. Did you miss his poetry? No problem! They are coming out with a book entitled, “Diamonds and Hearts: A Poetic Memoir.” Get it? Like getting engaged and incorporating Chris’s love for baseball. The cleverness is almost too much for my brain to handle. Sigh. And yes, “they” are coming out with a book, as in “original poetry by Chris Siegfried” and “additional poetry by Desiree Hartsock.” Also, don’t you have to be like really old, dead, or important to write a memoir? They are young, alive, and were on The Bachelorette.
I know what you’re thinking. One copy of this book will not be enough! Not to worry! They are offering an unbeatable deal. Depending on how many copies you buy, you can get a variety of prizes:
· 15 copies: Chris and Des will follow you on twitter, give you a shout-out, and sign your book (So, you are literally paying for friends…?)
· 50 copies: All of the above PLUS a ten minute phone call with Chris and Des (So now you are paying for your friends and conversation…?)
· 100 copies: All of the above PLUS a 30 minutes Skype session. (Ok, this is just getting fun. Are they legally obligated to stay on the call or Skype session with you no matter what? I would make them listen to MY poetry. HAIKUS FOR DAYZZZ.)
· 2,500 books: All of the above PLUS dinner with Chris and Des. Don’t worry, they will pay for your flight and hotel. (Because that is way more than the cost of 2,500 books at $12.95.)
On the website, listed below all those options is an option entitled, “Sign up to win a free copy of the book.” Hmmm take my chance on a free copy or just spend $32,375 on 2,500 books? (Obviously, you have to purchase the 2,500 books. Go big or go home.) However, if someone does buy that many books, I would like to have dinner with them. How many books do I need to buy to have dinner with the person who bought 2,500 copies?
Speaking of numbers, rumor has it that on this upcoming season on The Bachelor with Juan Pablo (swoon), there will be 27 contestants instead of 25. Compared to 2,500 books, that number seems less impressive.
Three or so more months until that gap in our hearts is filled with Juan Pablo in his search for love. Until then, be nice to men in red outfits. They have a rough season ahead.
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